zeeth_kyrah: A man in a deep blue robe looks at the camera, right hand raised and holding a wooden rod, left hand gesturing low. (Magician)
I'm asked by Dream, the Unicorn, if I would post something about the Four Agreements of the soul. I'm happy to do this, as it works well with the kind of spiritual work I'm doing to finish incarnating properly in this body.

The Four Agreements are the four things we ALL agree on to incarnate in a body. These four are also the four tests of whether a spiritual entity is a soul. If these tests are passed, Eternity should be present in a well-formed oversoul; if Eternity is not there, the soul is almost dead and must be revived immediately with loving healing.

The agreements are these:

1. Identity. If you are a person or know yourself in any way, you have an identity. The identity of others is theirs, not yours. Stealing, denying, or destroying this identity will create suffering, both in the person harmed and the person doing harm. This includes things like personal calling (which relates to lessons and healing work), gender identity, sexual preference, favorite color, and so on.

2. Form and nature. Every being has a form, a pattern or structure which defines their interaction with reality. This form does not have to stay static; in fact, the only "static" form anything has is the physical structure of their incarnate bodies, and even that might change over time. If you try to steal someone's form, you become a copy of them and lose your own identity; however, shapeshifting is about learning form, and thus is a kind of emulation until understanding is achieved. It is not stealing, but directly copying someone's face and form in order to impersonate them is considered a form of theft (literal identity theft, which brings us back to the first point).

3. Lessons or suffering. Everyone has lessons. EVERYONE. No soul exists without something to learn. Thus one must be ABLE to learn, or suffering is meaningless. Suffering without ability to learn is the direct cause of most destruction in the universe. It normally happens when something is already unliving, and thus does not need a soul to inhabit and empower it. Trying to learn someone else's lessons, or push them into suffering which is not their own, doubles yours: You end up having to learn both your lessons and theirs.

4. Love and emotions. Every soul loves. If a soul forgets how to love, it is no longer a soul. This is instant! The unloving being, being completely static, loses its ability to learn and take on new forms or increase understanding of itself. Love is the energy which allows us to change without destroying ourselves. If we destroy love, we are destroying something essential to ourselves. Sometimes this is necessary, as with a harmful connection to someone, but often destroying love merely creates suffering unnecessarily. This suffering that we don't need will add to our lesson load, overworking us until we finally HEAL the damage and cleanse the wound. Attempting to destroy another person's love doubles this, PLUS the gods or spirit of Heaven disapproves -- all spirits hate that which destroys them... which is where the Wiccan "Threefold Law" or "Rule of Three" comes from! "If you send out evil, it returns three times." Once for you, once for your enemy, once for the gods. "If you send out good, it returns three times." Again, once for you, once for your friends, once for the gods.

These are the Four Agreements. Thank you, and love and peace be with you all. :)
- Z, the new guy.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
Here forthwith is the Hero's Deck, posted exactly as it has been written down. Anyus designed the deck, and produced it. I, (the new incoming soul, practicing with my body), am posting this while she watches on. The reason for posting is so that everyone can have a copy without purchasing it. She had intended the deck to be sold as an income strategy for her, as well as a deck for regular readings with people at events and in private practice.

The Hero's Deck, in text format
(36 cards in 3 groups)

Heroic Aspects
* Craftsman
* Servant
* Leader
* Healer
* Destroyer
* Innocent
* Friend
* Scout
* Warrior
* Seer
* Sage
* Trickster

Heroic Gifts
* Skill
* Prowess
* Knowledge
* Creation
* Persistence
* Patience
* Charity
* Magic
* Mistakes
* Imagination
* Courage
* Tools

Heroic Challenges
* The Monster
* The Cave
* Temptation
* Pain
* The Cliff
* The Thief
* The Liar
* Weariness
* Brokenness
* The Fallen
* Victory
* Turbulence
zeeth_kyrah: A pink-tinted lotus flower begins to open, in the background are green lily pads and water (Sacred lotus unfolding)
This is my final post. The unicorn who lived in this body is moving on shortly: the moment of Solstice marks the transition. That's just after 6:30pm locally to me.

Amused a bit that it's both summer solstice and a full moon. Quite a rare occurrence.

Here are the details I need to give you:

* I was born female in spirit. I am otherkin unicorn and dragon.
* I was to make games, not sit around staring at my computer for the rest of my life. The incoming soul will be doing other work. I'll be going off to try making games again in my next life.
* I will be born on the same birthday as this life; the new body is already developing.
* I would have been named Merriwether Autumn (or some close variation). I'll retain the Meriwether part as a middle name.
* I am Pagan, as is the new soul. We won't be concelebrating, or if we do it will be over 16 years from now. That said, I don't have to worry about what I will do for religion. I'll have Pagan parents who don't disapprove of psychic abilities or magic.
* I am not your god. Incarnate persons don't need to be gods. I find the idea silly. (Yes, this has come up.)
* Finally, I would like to say that if you don't see the game "Call of the Unicorn" within 40 years, the whole thing has been called off. Trust me, you'll know which game is the real one.

Now, I leave you with the last detail of this incarnate life that I am allowed to pass on:

I am the Awakening Unicorn. Heroes are my friends, heroes for justice and honor, truth and kindness.

The Poni way (and yes, there is a reason I wrote it like that) is my way as well.

I'll see you all on the flip side.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
You see, instead of disappearing, they hid in professions nobody would realize were anything but ordinary... but sometimes one manifests a truth that could only have been heard by the soul. This person has to have heard this song from spirit, because I heard it as well some weeks ago.



Lyrics are shown on-screen, though the interludes are filled with "alien" text. They are reprinted here:

THE CALLING

Read more... )
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
Copied from my tweets on Twitter a few days ago, starting with a warning:

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon 12:01am Feb 13 2016
Next couple of tweets are going to be about spiritual alchemy. Not relevant to most folks. #paganstuff

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
In alchemy for its own sake, the purpose is not to convert everything to gold; the purpose is to solve a problem of energy form conversion.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
Alchemy wasn't supposed to be a material discipline, but people thought it was. So we had chemists trying to make gold from lead.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
Ultimately, the whole work of alchemy is to discover the energies that create wholeness in each person, and how to convert between them.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
It is wholeness which creates that alchemical energy: the "golden" energy of spirit is a whole and perfect soul.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
Because spiritual / alchemical energies have different frequencies and natures, we perceive them as having specific colors and qualities.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
Since each person perceives at least a little differently from other people, there can be disagreement. We each climb a different mountain.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
However, the common agreement on spiritual energy colors is NOT entirely a product of training! Synaesthesia aside, anyway.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
That said, the commonly-read documents are not always accurate. It's okay to disagree, as long as it's consistent for you. #psychicadvice

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
I've noticed the third eye, for example, is usually "solar" when open, not deep blue, but it radiates blue energy.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
And clean heart energy looks turquoise to me. Greenish nature-energy.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
All that said, I don't usually see auras well unless in a trance state. That's been hard to achieve for a while. Personal issues.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
Okay, back to your mass retweeting and stuff. Thanks for reading, those of you who cared to read it!
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
Most people who practice spirit ways are not called to the work of the spirit-priest or high medicine-worker, also popularly called shaman. However, a small percentage of all persons who are connected to Spirit, or who have strong potential for spirit-work of some kind, are called to the life of a shaman.

This is different from the practitioner who chose to perform various rituals and ceremonies, or who wields certain spiritual and magical arts. They can let it go. It will easily go from them if they want it to.

The shaman, called, must fight or negotiate, and even then release is unlikely and uncertain.

These are the paths of the shaman, who, once called must answer through these patterns. They may cross over at times, they may interfere with each other, but the shaman will go through at least one of these IN FULLNESS.

They are:

The Death road.
The Madness road.
The Service road.
The Art road.
The Refusal road.
The Destruction road.
The Priestly road.

Herewith find them described:
Read more... )

As to my calling, well...
We'll see. It seems I was in fact called as a shaman, but too many were putting pressure on me so that I could not work through my personal issues in any way. I was being replaced as a person, rather than successfully living my life as I was eventually meant to do (and as I had meant to do all along).

It seems I actually had to destroy my teachers in order to advance. What a terrible thing to do. :/
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
I have forty-one years.

Transformation was promised to me, BEFORE that time is over. Physical transformation. Without surgery.

We will see. I'm already forty years old. My entire life is a series of lies confounded with truths. I would like some promises to be true.

What I would most like to see, however, lies outside the power of my physical self at this time.

So I continue to rebuild who I am, so that I can do the work I have promised to do, regardless of the work that was promised of me.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
There was a time when unicorns did not exist, before the days of Mankind. In that time were four gods, two of whom were male and one of whom was female. The fourth was without gender.

The non-gendered god said, "I will make of my spirit a place where all are welcome."

The male god who was of forests said, "I approve, and will join my realm to this one."

The male god who was of places unwild said, "Let that place be there; for the ordered lands are mine, and I cannot abide those who do not follow my law."

The woman nodded, and said, "I will be in all these places, and give them life."

So the realm of Faery was formed... )

Suffering

Nov. 1st, 2015 12:59 pm
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
So this morning I have been told exactly why I'm suffering so intensely. Apparently it is well beyond what a shaman would normally have to endure.

But here is what I was told: I'm being front-loaded for a transformation. All the pain first, so it's painless (if a little uncomfortable) when it happens.

According to Tara, that transformation is going to change my whole life. Which is nice, I suppose, but I would like to not have to wait for positive changes any longer than I have to. I gave notice of six months around the equinox as a deadline for improving my life, or I intend to take that out of others' hands.

The world will supposedly know me afterward, where it only has a few blog and Twitter posts now. I'll probably have to change a few things online to keep up with the kinds of people who are likely to cause problems for me. And of course there are always skeptics who cannot believe until it has been measured directly -- and sometimes not even then.

Well, we will see. I have seen one kind of change happen, but incompletely. We'll see what happens.

This change is supposed to be a matter of weeks now, not lifetimes. It had damn well better be, because I am tired of living as a bare shadow of a person, and I am tired of fighting for the life I wasn't allowed and can't have now.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
"I have mastered the magics of power," he said, "and at my word, angels shall fall, the gods tremble, the sky break! You will kneel before me."

She nodded in acknowledgment. "You have mastered power, I suppose. I'll take you at your word there. Have you understood what it means?"

He frowned. "Irrelevant. Knowledge itself is power, therefore I know its meaning. Now: KNEEL!" At his word, the sky did indeed shake and the world before him trembled.

The child sighed, looking up at his mighty, chiseled face. She turned away, and he dropped to his own knees. Shock and anger filled the man's beauteous visage. She began to speak: "Do you know how I have silenced you and brought you do your knees?"

She skipped forward two steps, then turned. "It's simple, actually. You command only power. I command freedom."

The would-be god tried to lift his hand, to summon his weapon and strike her down. Nothing moved.

"Thou art the mountain/ No longer name alone," she chanted with a smile. "I'm sorry. You'll calm down after a while, I think. I won't keep you longer than necessary."

Then she walked away, her body growing to adult form in a few seconds.

One thousand four hundred and one years later, the village near Stone Man Mountain received a visitor. The woman wore shades of pink and red, and a smile that made everyone happier who looked on it.

"Today, you have to move," she told the elders, and any villager who would listen. "The mountain is going to come home."

Nobody believed her until it lifted a mighty hand and began to cry.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
These are the nine known forms of magic when it is in use or enacted. The Blueprinters have written essays on each one; I am going to summarize rather than quote.

From most common to least:

1. Word of power. This is a word or phrase which is used to symbolize the work of the spell.
2. Rune or sigil. This is a written or mental non-verbal symbol which also symbolizes the work of the spell. Most commonly used in magical constructs and engineering work in spirit.
3. Thrust or impulse. This is a burst of energy which is projected toward its target. The energy is "colored" with a particular intent.
4. Knot. This is a tangle or knot of energies, linked together so that pulling on one pulls on another. Often the knot itself alters the energy patterns passing through it, much as a heat exchanger or a materials filter would.
5. Circle. This is a pretty standard "magical circle" with directives written around it, or coloring the energies that pass through it.
6. Name. This is the name of a spirit or diety, used to empower a working using that being's energies. Typically used in prayer, often comes with conditions.
7. Radiance. This is an emanation of energies, rather like an electromagnetic field. It is often used in "charismatic" applications, where an item or person radiates an intent ("look at me" or "invisible/do not notice" are rather common uses).
8. Connection. The pattern is connecting one thing to another, often with a directional filter. This is the sort of magic that causes "node workings" to function, aka quantum node bundles.
9. Anchor. This is a "lump" of something or someone inserted as a weight or influence to direct someone toward it or weigh the pattern down (often to add drag or reduce force).
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
T'ema Huollo (Huollo ma T'ema) - T'ema is a medium-tall unicorn woman, rather like a humanoid ki-rin, with aspen-leaf ears and a five-inch horn with a slight upward curve (and no spiral) on her forehead. She disguises herself with illusion, taking on a new visage in each new city she visits, hiding her non-human features beneath it or with invisibility. Her actual short fur coat changes color over time as a side effect of her magic (always a color appropriate to horses or humans). She has a fluffy mane of hair which changes color to complement her coat. Her name means "Singer of Songs".

Origin: T'ema is a highly trained magician, able to draw on energetic resonance in order to empower her will. This magic can affect anything which resonates in matter, energy, and/or spirit. She can use illusions, heal, sense or communicate at large distances, and channel large amounts of energy due to her mastery of the form. Unfortunately, it has a drawback: when she uses her power, she must perform a service to balance her use of it. Usually that service is small, such as a gift or act of care, and only required when she uses magic for her personal benefit; sometimes that cost is large, such as leaving her home for a time to aid someone in dire need. She was transported from her world to Earth after one particularly large use of magic; she hasn't said yet on camera why she did it, and she isn't quite sure why this world needed her more than her own.

After becoming homeless in the transition to Earth, T'ema is growing homesick for her house and homeworld. Still, she has a lot of personal coping skills, and her magic empowers her body to be somewhat stronger and more resilient in general.

As side effects of past magical costs not paid, T'ema's fur coat shifts color over time, and in her natural form she has a moderately fascinating aura. While sometimes useful, she regards these as more of a curse since she'd like to be known for herself but not stared at or stalked. Being an alien makes it worse, as she is still learning how to read and use human facial and body expressions, and she can sometimes make mistakes; judging someone's intention is for her more about reading the energies of that person.

T'ema was magically taught English when she was teleported, and speaks a smattering of languages both modern and ancient from her homeworld. She has an excellent singing voice, and occasionally earns money by busking or as gifts from people courting her talents. She hasn't performed for any professional recordings, however. She has an exotic-sounding accent which many humans mistake for somewhere in Asia.

Uniform: None. She wears street clothes, but she tries to dress nicely so it's hard to tell. T'ema at home usually carries a satchel with herbs and ritual tools, but those were all left behind her; replacing them may help with her magic.

Qualities: Expert (+4) Singer, Good (+2) Craftwork, Good (+2) Resilience, Average (+0) Herbalism, Average (+0) Shamanism
Poor (-2) Homeless

Powers: Meta-power: Master (+6) Resonance Magic
Stunts:
* Illusion (includes illusory invisibility; fools cameras but can be penetrated with focused perception)
* Healing/Purification (essentially purifies the form when used to heal; can restore but not regenerate detached limbs; healing the mind and spirit is doable if more difficult, but counseling is often more effective due to the magical cost)
* Energy senses (T'ema has a passive ability from her training which allows for communicating with spirits and sensing various energies both spiritual and mundane, but it can be extended with magic to sense from a distance)
Vulnerability: Backlash Cost: Magic for self-benefit costs service. If it isn't paid, a magical backlash occurs, commensurate with the level of power used.

Motivation: Earn my way home.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
1. My spirit was abused by spirits early in life, continuing for all but the last few hours.

2. I am a unicorn, who was wrapped in a dragon, who was wrapped in a giant enigma, who was caught in a conspiracy of Spirit to keep humankind alive at the Will of the Universe. I am finally fully unwrapped, but I am not yet fully revealed.

3. I am a unicorn. Everything else is illusion.

4. We are not horses. We're more like deer. We are not deer.

5. Wow I have been fighting hard to get away from dominant people.

6. I might not need to. I AM a dominant person...

7. I hate myself. And you can't help if you don't respect me.

8. I have the power to stop hurting.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
This is another poem featuring T'ema, the unicorn-woman walking a superheroic Earth (maybe Terramagne from [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith's Polychrome Heroics, but maybe not; I'm borrowing a bit of terminology anyway). EDIT - Ysabet has approved this as set in Terramagne.

I'm going to preface this with three warnings:

First, this is yet another seat-of-my-pants poem. Its quality may not be top notch, but it's something I have to get out. Also, lots of unrhymed lines with ragged meter; I'm just using the form to tell a story that won't come out in prose.

Second, this poem deals with torture (not shown) and some of its outcomes (visibly shown). Be mindful of your mindspace when reading it. One character is traumatized and homeless, which roughens a person over time (also T'ema has been living as a homeless woman as seen in previous poems). There is also a bit of strong language.

Third, this thing is really long. There may even be a second part to it. I don't know!

--

Beyond All Terror

T'ema was standing in line at the day shelter
Waiting for her tray of lunch.
In burst one of the regulars,
His energy vibrating like plutonium
Ready to burst into particles.
She kept her senses open.

When it happened, the trigger
Was as small as a dropped cigarette.
The man was screaming in a moment
And had to be held by friends
So his wild swings didn't break a jaw
Or his own hand.

T'ema quietly hummed a lullaby,
Directing the peaceful, loving power
Into a calming aura.
A minute later, the man had sagged
Into a sobbing mess,
Head in his arms.

Read more... )
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
I the thunder,
I the spark,
I the light,
I the mote,
I the channel,
I the whisper,
I the touch,
I the focus,
I THE POWER,

I ignite thee, CREATOR.
THOU ART CALLED.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
These are the classes of magic as known to Spirit. The classes are the first column, ranked in order of power. After them are the sub-divisions within each, ranked in order of most-basic to most-complete.

Thought - Sensation, Observation, Learning, Metaphor, Abstraction, Integration
Life - Fertility, Conception, Gestation, Birth, Development, Maturation, Parenting, Elderhood, Death, Decay
Creation - Fallowness, Inspiration, Formation, Manifestation, Destruction
Material - Environment, Element, Experience, Substance, Properties/Qualia, Energy
Environment - Space, Time, Location, Matter, Energy, Pattern, Purpose, Meaning
Mechanism - Pressure, Device, Linkage, Conduit, Comparator/Computation
Communication - Witness, Transmission, Reception, Connection, Communion, Understanding

Classes, not schools. Schools = of philosophy and denominative belonging; Classes = divisions between basic natures.

If one were to describe these in Dungeons and Dragons terms, these would be schools of clerical magic. The schools of wizardly magic would be the processes by which magic operates. Note that Blueprinters will ONLY use such descriptions as means of accessibility, rather than as the nature by which they use magic; we are taught better than to confuse a game with reality, the metaphor for the substance, the map for the territory.

For example, Transformation (a process) may be based in ANY class or classes of magic, but MUST include these two properties: The change of basic nature from one state to another; The inception, transition, and completion of the transformation process.

----

Now, these are the processes of magic as known to Spirit. Each is ranked in order of most commonly useful to least, followed by a basic description of the process. Note that even the supposedly least-useful are still very powerful! They are simply not as commonly effective upon the context of operations when attempting to enact a magical working, but sometimes they are the only way to accomplish a particular purpose.

Invocation - Words of power and purpose, the calling-up and manifestation of spirit/other into something/someone
Transformation - Changing of basic structure, nature, or purpose
Abjuration - Command or direction
Charming - Not direction of thought! Imbuing of power, the formation and use of charms (objects of power which are meant to emanate, transform, or direct energies around them to some purpose)
Binding - Connecting things to each other, the creation of enchantments (magics bound to something/someone/someplace) and phylacteries (physical things/places/beings which are bound to certain magics)
Summoning and dismissal - Calling forth or filling in, and sending away or clearing out
Illusion and evocation - Imagery and sensation (including befuddlement/confusion), manifesting the presence of an energy or being
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
(This was channeled early this morning, and I was told to post it to my journal here. It seems I've had a very busy few days now that I'm focused on healing a physical problem.)

I am Ruby, of the gemstones. I will tell you of the stones and crystals which are attuned to Otherkin and some therians.

Read more... )


As this essay is of necessity only a partial accounting, I will close with these words:
If you need to understand a stone, or solve a particular problem, it is okay to ask a stone both if it is appropriate to your needs, as well as whether it would recommend a different stone for the need or use you have for it.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
(Written by the seat of my pants, with minimal editing. Let's see if I can finish this, or only get partway into it. Inspired by [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith's poem "Simple as a Glass of Chocolate" and the comments below it, as well as recent personal events.)

T'e-ma Huollo was a creature of another world,
Walking ethereally through ours. Her heart
Echoed with the songs of ages, her mind
Was filled with thoughts of wisdom
Fully distilled.

She looked like beauty itself,
Youth and age and form mixed all together
As in the reflection one sees
In the divination well.

Upon her brow was a horn,
Curved, with a slight twist.
Her hands and feet were like no
Living creature on Earth, formed
With horn upon the ends, but not hooves.
Fingers and toes bent delicately
To grasp their respective tasks.

And when she spoke, it felt like
The songs of the Universe
Echoed around the listener,
Leaving impressions of emotion
That colored her words.

But this is not what made her so alien.

It was simply that the world she walked
Did not know her, did not know itself
In her presence, for her power
Was alien spirit made flesh.

Read more... )
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
So I've been having occasional migraines for a few months. Those seem to have stopped, but I've noticed my sense of balance is a bit off (wobbly on my bicycle every now and then), I've been feeling exhausted at seemingly random moments (not just because of a daytime sleep schedule), and I've been having a sort of blurry feeling in my head every so often. Combine that with a few other bits of mental weirdness (entirely aside from being a spirit-speaker and psychic who cleans up after lost and troubled souls) and the only conclusion anyone including me could make has been "Something is wrong here." Thing is, things were only going wrong every now and then, but it's been getting worse and more frequent over time.

Early this morning, after wrestling with problems for hours, finally napping, and then waking up to an unusual pressure in my left ear, my spirit Guides finally out and told me I have brain cancer. I think I need to get some sort of insurance in order (I so distrust Indiana's "Healthy Indiana Plan" replacement for Medicare expansion, but it's what I have available to me) and finally go see a doctor to confirm/deny. I've been avoiding that moment for way too long, and it's going to cost me emotionally to do this, but I'm not sure I have a choice anymore. :/

In the meantime, spiritual healing is targeted and ongoing. The pressure in my ear is gone, but I've been a bit mentally fuzzy most of the day. I guess we'll see how that goes.

No wonder I've been commenting for years now on the loss of my ability to construct software, write stories and articles, and generally participate in life.

--
a music playlist is beneath this cut )
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