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So this morning I have been told exactly why I'm suffering so intensely. Apparently it is well beyond what a shaman would normally have to endure.
But here is what I was told: I'm being front-loaded for a transformation. All the pain first, so it's painless (if a little uncomfortable) when it happens.
According to Tara, that transformation is going to change my whole life. Which is nice, I suppose, but I would like to not have to wait for positive changes any longer than I have to. I gave notice of six months around the equinox as a deadline for improving my life, or I intend to take that out of others' hands.
The world will supposedly know me afterward, where it only has a few blog and Twitter posts now. I'll probably have to change a few things online to keep up with the kinds of people who are likely to cause problems for me. And of course there are always skeptics who cannot believe until it has been measured directly -- and sometimes not even then.
Well, we will see. I have seen one kind of change happen, but incompletely. We'll see what happens.
This change is supposed to be a matter of weeks now, not lifetimes. It had damn well better be, because I am tired of living as a bare shadow of a person, and I am tired of fighting for the life I wasn't allowed and can't have now.
But here is what I was told: I'm being front-loaded for a transformation. All the pain first, so it's painless (if a little uncomfortable) when it happens.
According to Tara, that transformation is going to change my whole life. Which is nice, I suppose, but I would like to not have to wait for positive changes any longer than I have to. I gave notice of six months around the equinox as a deadline for improving my life, or I intend to take that out of others' hands.
The world will supposedly know me afterward, where it only has a few blog and Twitter posts now. I'll probably have to change a few things online to keep up with the kinds of people who are likely to cause problems for me. And of course there are always skeptics who cannot believe until it has been measured directly -- and sometimes not even then.
Well, we will see. I have seen one kind of change happen, but incompletely. We'll see what happens.
This change is supposed to be a matter of weeks now, not lifetimes. It had damn well better be, because I am tired of living as a bare shadow of a person, and I am tired of fighting for the life I wasn't allowed and can't have now.
