![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
From Twitter on Apr 3
I considered for two years, then told my parents six years ago, with occasional reminders. Told them over a month ago about my meds and how long I'd been taking them. Told them my name Thursday, and drew a line about it. Got told I'm unreasonable, warned not to make ultimatums.
-
For gods' sake, I'm doing this in a world where some people are actively violent about my mere existence and others think trans is an opinion, politics or religion. If I thought I could live without this change, I wouldn't fucking change. To desist, to go back? No. Not feasible.
-
I can't and won't stop being the real me. Going back would be like walking into the desert with no water.
Starting estrogen and turning off my testosterone truly improved my mood and STOPPED the suicidal thoughts. Just ask the Endocrine Society their opinion if you doubt mine.
-
Feeling my body change into something softer, kinder to me, something that *fits* and that I can look in the mirror and see myself in? Little compares, and I mean that. This is the slow and gentle form of euphoria, the enduring happiness that comes of being made whole.
-
I decided to come out because hiding won't be an option in the coming months.
And that makes everything harder. I wish it didn't have to.
I don't want to, but: If I have to run for my life and leave everything behind, I will. I want to LIVE instead of die.
-
End copy/paste.
---
Today the Hero's Deck gave me the Challenge of The Cliff.
We face dangers of many kinds on our journey. In this case, we are brought up short - either a sudden drop in the path, or a wall we must sidle alongside carefully lest we fall.
In this case, I see a pit rather than the wall; the Gift to pass this challenge hasn't yet been revealed, but perhaps with a bit of Patience I'll see it revealed.
I considered for two years, then told my parents six years ago, with occasional reminders. Told them over a month ago about my meds and how long I'd been taking them. Told them my name Thursday, and drew a line about it. Got told I'm unreasonable, warned not to make ultimatums.
-
For gods' sake, I'm doing this in a world where some people are actively violent about my mere existence and others think trans is an opinion, politics or religion. If I thought I could live without this change, I wouldn't fucking change. To desist, to go back? No. Not feasible.
-
I can't and won't stop being the real me. Going back would be like walking into the desert with no water.
Starting estrogen and turning off my testosterone truly improved my mood and STOPPED the suicidal thoughts. Just ask the Endocrine Society their opinion if you doubt mine.
-
Feeling my body change into something softer, kinder to me, something that *fits* and that I can look in the mirror and see myself in? Little compares, and I mean that. This is the slow and gentle form of euphoria, the enduring happiness that comes of being made whole.
-
I decided to come out because hiding won't be an option in the coming months.
And that makes everything harder. I wish it didn't have to.
I don't want to, but: If I have to run for my life and leave everything behind, I will. I want to LIVE instead of die.
-
End copy/paste.
---
Today the Hero's Deck gave me the Challenge of The Cliff.
We face dangers of many kinds on our journey. In this case, we are brought up short - either a sudden drop in the path, or a wall we must sidle alongside carefully lest we fall.
In this case, I see a pit rather than the wall; the Gift to pass this challenge hasn't yet been revealed, but perhaps with a bit of Patience I'll see it revealed.
