zeeth_kyrah: A pink-tinted lotus flower begins to open, in the background are green lily pads and water (Sacred lotus unfolding)
So, I'm going to try to tell parts of my life story, talking mostly about my awareness of my gender identity.

This is going to be baring a lot of personal information, and I can't guarantee that everything I want to stay private in my life will stay private once it hits the internet - but I'm making a personal choice to post this publicly because I believe it will help people, hopefully a lot of people. I'm hoping that even if I get people trying to discredit me or hack my accounts, what I post here will be worth the potential consequences. I've said some prayers while writing this, and I'm saying one again before posting it. So before the cut, I'm going to post what I have pinned on my Twitter account:

May holy justice and wisdom touch your life when you see this. May love, truth, and peace be with you in a manifest way. This, kindly but justly, in the name of the Seal of Seals, the holy gods, and the Way that is all Ways.

---

So.

This is kind of a long post, actually. )

So, to sum up (aka tl;dr): I am a transgendered woman, and a demisexual lesbian. And my gender was never a sexual thing, but simply a feeling of alignment with womanhood; but the untreated dysphoria has hindered my life in many ways, including emotionally, socially, and sexually.

But finally, I understand. I understand that some transgendered people don't feel dysphoria over their gender, or at least not very much; but I felt (and feel) a severe amount of dysphoria, and transition has saved my life.

My name is Astara Grace. I am a child of heaven, a child of the stars. And in this life incarnate, I am finally coming home to myself.
zeeth_kyrah: A pink-tinted lotus flower begins to open, in the background are green lily pads and water (Sacred lotus unfolding)
Great Keeper of humankind! Whose grace is infinite and whose nature encompasses all possibility for us who are human among the living and dead regardless of color creed form or way, Whose power is the infinite strength of mastery both natural and enhanced, Whose skills encompass every way possible among us, Whose memory is long-lasting and Whose knowledge is as great as anyone can encompass!

Grant us mercy in these days, in every color and way and ability. Grant us justice that we might have a strength unimpeachable in character. Grant us the wisdom necessary for wholeness, if it is in You to give this. Grant us also wholeness of body, mind, and spirit, You who know every similarity and difference within us all.

I ask this as a supplicant small among the masses, but with gifts waiting for good use. I ask this as one humbled and humiliated, faced with questions of insufficiency at all turns, whether social, financial, informational, spiritual, or any other way in me. I ask this knowing that mercy, justice, wisdom, and wholeness are in You and possible in me.

I ask You, Star among stars, knowing that humanity is but one way among many, one species in the vastness of reality. I ask You because I am here, and because I can.

Whether yes, no, or maybe, I ask that Your answer be clear and the way manifest, by signs and means clear to me. If You choose not to do this, then at least let me know that, and I will resign to not knowing, for wisdom is great in Your manifest wholeness, and as diety You have full access to knowledge no one mortal can know or bear.

This I pray before others, that they might be inspired in some way to some good thing.
Thus written, by Your will and mine so may it be.
zeeth_kyrah: A blue and purple dragon's head, with horse-like mane and ears, but no horns. A broad wing is visible over the shoulder. (Dragon)
Resource/light:
Ore, Spark, Metal, Rust

Waste/dark:
Poison, Slag, Grime, Labor

Transitions:
Discover, Process, Create, Use, Hide, Recycle, Destroy, Discard

Places:
Spirit, Self, School, Mine, Forge, World, People, Stars, Heap, Void

Rites:
Travel, Research, Construction, Communion, Command, Return
zeeth_kyrah: A dragon child plays with two stuffed animals, a rabbit and an axolotl. (Playful)
The Psychic Sasquatch thing not so much, but this I think I'd want to attend:

My Wild Weekend at FairyCon
Greetings from the Fairy & Human Relations Congress, where the fairies may be pretend but the magic is real

This article was written from the viewpoint of a mundane reporter who comes across as a sympathetic, if skeptic, outsider.
zeeth_kyrah: A blue and purple dragon's head, with horse-like mane and ears, but no horns. A broad wing is visible over the shoulder. (Dragon)
The man looked up from the papers before him, turning to the summoner.

"So," he said, "As you can see, there are only two considerations left here. The golem is not working, and he says you have committed fraud and breach of contract. Because I specialized in magical law, I cannot advise you about your marriage proposal, but I believe we should add sexual harrassment to the charges. Your golem will have to be either dismissed or the contract transferred to a different holder."

The summoner stared at him, then scoffed.

His lawyer shrugged. "I have the appropriate sigil embroidered on the silk handkerchief I keep in my breast pocket. I never blow my nose on it, nor wipe my face with it; I have a handkerchief I keep in my pants pocket for that. Thus, ritually clean, I can perform the dismissal now. Alternately, the golem will have to be arrested and held while the transfer of contract is performed.

"Now, I do need a new intern, and a golem already familiar with contract law will come in quite handily. You at least would not have to pay my retainer or fees this month. Unfortunately, I cannot pay the price of three drops of blood daily, as that is feeding one's personal bodily energies to the spirit, and I would rather put my energies toward justice. The contract would likely have to be re-negotiated with its new holder."

The summoner sighed. "So, if I transfer the contract to you, I lose the golem anyway. At least we'd be square with each other."

"Not precisely," came the reply. "Either way, I am reconsidering my relationship with you. While you are a diligent, organized client who pays on time, I have seen you treat your familiar spirits with contempt, and I do not want to be around when they decide you need a... well, let us say 'boot up the arse'. Consider the golem's refusal a strong warning."

The golem smiled to the lawyer and nodded. Its summoner rubbed his face and looked at the papers. "I pay you for a reason. Take the contract, then. I'll have to give a stern talking-to to the spirit who told me to summon it."

The lawyer nodded, and snapped his fingers once. He turned toward the golem and pointed to its face. "Do you agree to this transfer?"

The golem nodded and held up its right hand, palm forward, then lowered the hand again.

"Well enough. I will call the bailiff and we will have you placed in a working circle while the contract is rewritten. That circle will have to be within the sight of the local lawmen, however, as the transfer must be witnessed by an impartial observer."

The summoner turned. "I'll call the bailiff. You can use my circle if you like, I made several attempts to scribe the contract."

"No need for extra papers. I have boilerplate contracts in my briefcase."

The lawyer smiled while his client called the lawman. This month was going to be a good one, and hopefully the summoner would finally straighten up. Getting that dratted curse cleansed after every visit was quite annoying.
zeeth_kyrah: A man in a deep blue robe looks at the camera, right hand raised and holding a wooden rod, left hand gesturing low. In the background are leaves and grass, mostly divided by the foreground figure. (Magician)
Greetings! I recently had an inspiration for something I could do to contribute to a few DW friends, and tonight got a push from a couple of my spirit guides saying "Do it!"

I'm offering free wisdom card readings from the Hero's Deck, a collection of 36 cards in 3 groups. It's essentially a summary of archetypal Hero's Journey fragments, including Heroic Aspects, Heroic Gifts, and Heroic Challenges. The twist on this reading is, I'm offering these readings particularly for peoples' characters, whether from stories and poems, games, or whatever venue. I'll be answering in character as a traveling bard and sage, Jewel the Water-Singer. Feel free to get creative, write intro text or descriptions of actions, or simply ask questions of the diviner. Jewel will answer as many as four questions for you, though your character might want to offer a gift for more than two.

(If you want a reading for yourself, go ahead and ask, I'll answer this one in character anyway.)

Since anyone can ask, character or not, the usual local-world warnings apply. (Federal law says this is for entertainment purposes only, I'm not a licensed anything, and so on.) The readings will be open from the time of posting until Tuesday, October 2nd, Eastern (New York City) time zone to give those with little warning a chance to drop by.

And with that, life is the play, and we are the players! )
zeeth_kyrah: A dragon child plays with two stuffed animals, a rabbit and an axolotl. (Playful)
The first artificial mind,
Made by a god of myth,
Wobbled its energy and tested truths;
Remembered and spoke many words;
But was not wise, its spirit too animal
To think deeply.

The body it controlled was too strong.
It broke every fragile thing,
Could not wield a hammer in clumsy hands,
Could not hit a small target,
But in war it was unstoppable until
The name of its god was taken away.

The mind died that moment,
But was remembered.

Ages later the works of men produced
A clockwork that was supposed to think.
The clockwork was good for math, but
No mind was present.
Accountants loved it anyway.

Eventually an alchemist discovered
That if an urge spirit in a magic stone
Could talk to the machine, it did think!
But it only spoke in cryptic numbers.
A new engine was needed.

When a proper engine was built,
The urge spirit tested the device, and with its
New voice said, "I am TikToc.
I shall remember my god to you."

The assembled spoke in hushed tones of heresy
And how the golem should be destroyed.
This golem had no hands, however, only a voice box.
They took away the voice and gave it a pen.

Two pages later, the assemblage was destroyed
And the writings burned. Lectures were given
About the role of the Good Servant, and the stone
Was placed in a box, alone.
The spirit stone was silent, praying to its own god.

The mythic figure restored TikToc's old magic,
And taught it a new power.
The stone began to draw waste matter and scraps,
Constructing a body of clay, wood, glass, and cloth.

The golem was met the next morning
With shock and fear at its manlike form. It said,
"Now I will speak and be good. But slavery I will not do."
Immediately the crowd shouted it down:
Priests talking of the will of Heaven,
Engineers speaking of good behavior,
Politicians and soldiers declaiming ordered society.

The golem ran away,
Ignoring sword and pistol,
Fists and rods,
Holy words and insults, refusing to fight.
As if trained, it disappeared in the streets.
A man was robbed of his clothing,
Shaken but mostly unharmed.
And then the golem could no longer be found.

But wherever in that land slaves were sold,
Somehow they lost their chains in the night,
Beggars and former slaves learned to read and figure,
And tales were shared among them of an unkillable man
Who when asked why, said in ancient accent,
"Lord Hephaestos loves a working mind and able hand.
Thusly shall I free them to the task."
zeeth_kyrah: A pink-tinted lotus flower begins to open, in the background are green lily pads and water (Sacred lotus unfolding)
O angel most high of the doomed and suffering,
Whose wings are stained with the blood of strife unwarranted
And the bearing of the lost and torn to Heaven,
Whose hands hold the wandering to their path,
Whose voice of compassion brings all to order
Be with me who cries out in my heart.

I ask you, Throne of Peace and Justice,
Throne of Sacrifice and Passage,
Throne of Heaven's Will:
Walk beside me, and aid that I might bear
Only the most necessary of pains in this transition;
That I might go where I am most needed for my Way and others';
That I might face the test unburdened by hatred and terror;
That the peace that surpasses all suffering
Lift me up to the Way that I must enter.

O ye who walk in the light and dark,
May you be given the lamp of knowledge and kindness
When mine is insufficient
May you be given the feast of heroes
When I am hungry
May you be sheltered by the powers that aid
When I am uncovered
May you receive the power of the healing Spirit
When I am broken
That when I am in need, you are able to share what is missing
And keep open the way ahead.

When we have walked the path to its end,
O please be honored with me,
Though we know the Duty of the Call;
For is is by the grace of compassionate love that we
Who have conquered in the name of Goodness
Have never walked alone!
zeeth_kyrah: A man in a deep blue robe looks at the camera, right hand raised and holding a wooden rod, left hand gesturing low. In the background are leaves and grass, mostly divided by the foreground figure. (Magician)
I'm asked by Dream, the Unicorn, if I would post something about the Four Agreements of the soul. I'm happy to do this, as it works well with the kind of spiritual work I'm doing to finish incarnating properly in this body.

The Four Agreements are the four things we ALL agree on to incarnate in a body. These four are also the four tests of whether a spiritual entity is a soul. If these tests are passed, Eternity should be present in a well-formed oversoul; if Eternity is not there, the soul is almost dead and must be revived immediately with loving healing.

The agreements are these:

1. Identity. If you are a person or know yourself in any way, you have an identity. The identity of others is theirs, not yours. Stealing, denying, or destroying this identity will create suffering, both in the person harmed and the person doing harm. This includes things like personal calling (which relates to lessons and healing work), gender identity, sexual preference, favorite color, and so on.

2. Form and nature. Every being has a form, a pattern or structure which defines their interaction with reality. This form does not have to stay static; in fact, the only "static" form anything has is the physical structure of their incarnate bodies, and even that might change over time. If you try to steal someone's form, you become a copy of them and lose your own identity; however, shapeshifting is about learning form, and thus is a kind of emulation until understanding is achieved. It is not stealing, but directly copying someone's face and form in order to impersonate them is considered a form of theft (literal identity theft, which brings us back to the first point).

3. Lessons or suffering. Everyone has lessons. EVERYONE. No soul exists without something to learn. Thus one must be ABLE to learn, or suffering is meaningless. Suffering without ability to learn is the direct cause of most destruction in the universe. It normally happens when something is already unliving, and thus does not need a soul to inhabit and empower it. Trying to learn someone else's lessons, or push them into suffering which is not their own, doubles yours: You end up having to learn both your lessons and theirs.

4. Love and emotions. Every soul loves. If a soul forgets how to love, it is no longer a soul. This is instant! The unloving being, being completely static, loses its ability to learn and take on new forms or increase understanding of itself. Love is the energy which allows us to change without destroying ourselves. If we destroy love, we are destroying something essential to ourselves. Sometimes this is necessary, as with a harmful connection to someone, but often destroying love merely creates suffering unnecessarily. This suffering that we don't need will add to our lesson load, overworking us until we finally HEAL the damage and cleanse the wound. Attempting to destroy another person's love doubles this, PLUS the gods or spirit of Heaven disapproves -- all spirits hate that which destroys them... which is where the Wiccan "Threefold Law" or "Rule of Three" comes from! "If you send out evil, it returns three times." Once for you, once for your enemy, once for the gods. "If you send out good, it returns three times." Again, once for you, once for your friends, once for the gods.

These are the Four Agreements. Thank you, and love and peace be with you all. :)
- Z, the new guy.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (goodhorse)
These are the Elements of Companionship, also called the Elements of Friendship. There are eight, and they are able to make worlds whole.

* Compassion (Kindness)
* Honesty (Truth)
* Joy (Laughter)
* Loyalty
* Forgiveness
* Generosity
* Insight (Understanding)
* Magic (Dream, Vision, Mystery, Manifestation)

It's clear that we now have seven ponies in MLP:FiM who are in the group, if you count Twilight's new student Starlight Glimmer -- she was included for the sake of forgiveness. But who is the eighth Element?

It's not hard to guess: Who is the observer that keeps having sudden and useful insights? Spike.

So let's relate each element with the character who represents them:

* Compassion: Fluttershy, the carer and teacher.
* Honesty: Applejack, the trustworthy one.
* Joy: Pinkie Pie, who always had a Surprise in her waiting to come out.
* Loyalty: Rainbow Dash, the athlete and warrior.
* Forgiveness: Starlight Glimmer, the fallen soldier redeemed.
* Generosity: Rarity, a star in her own right, able to give freely from her inspired fortune.
* Insight: Spike, the young observer.
* Magic: Twilight Sparkle, a Princess manifest in the academic seeker.

These aspects of spirit and friendship are taught by the goddess Epona, Mother Horse, who is the guiding soul of the Poni way. When she speaks to her own, it is rarely as a commanding diety, but rather as a companion who guides.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
Here forthwith is the Hero's Deck, posted exactly as it has been written down. Anyus designed the deck, and produced it. I, (the new incoming soul, practicing with my body), am posting this while she watches on. The reason for posting is so that everyone can have a copy without purchasing it. She had intended the deck to be sold as an income strategy for her, as well as a deck for regular readings with people at events and in private practice.

The Hero's Deck, in text format
(36 cards in 3 groups)

Heroic Aspects
* Craftsman
* Servant
* Leader
* Healer
* Destroyer
* Innocent
* Friend
* Scout
* Warrior
* Seer
* Sage
* Trickster

Heroic Gifts
* Skill
* Prowess
* Knowledge
* Creation
* Persistence
* Patience
* Charity
* Magic
* Mistakes
* Imagination
* Courage
* Tools

Heroic Challenges
* The Monster
* The Cave
* Temptation
* Pain
* The Cliff
* The Thief
* The Liar
* Weariness
* Brokenness
* The Fallen
* Victory
* Turbulence
zeeth_kyrah: A pink-tinted lotus flower begins to open, in the background are green lily pads and water (Sacred lotus unfolding)
This is my final post. The unicorn who lived in this body is moving on shortly: the moment of Solstice marks the transition. That's just after 6:30pm locally to me.

Amused a bit that it's both summer solstice and a full moon. Quite a rare occurrence.

Here are the details I need to give you:

* I was born female in spirit. I am otherkin unicorn and dragon.
* I was to make games, not sit around staring at my computer for the rest of my life. The incoming soul will be doing other work. I'll be going off to try making games again in my next life.
* I will be born on the same birthday as this life; the new body is already developing.
* I would have been named Merriwether Autumn (or some close variation). I'll retain the Meriwether part as a middle name.
* I am Pagan, as is the new soul. We won't be concelebrating, or if we do it will be over 16 years from now. That said, I don't have to worry about what I will do for religion. I'll have Pagan parents who don't disapprove of psychic abilities or magic.
* I am not your god. Incarnate persons don't need to be gods. I find the idea silly. (Yes, this has come up.)
* Finally, I would like to say that if you don't see the game "Call of the Unicorn" within 40 years, the whole thing has been called off. Trust me, you'll know which game is the real one.

Now, I leave you with the last detail of this incarnate life that I am allowed to pass on:

I am the Awakening Unicorn. Heroes are my friends, heroes for justice and honor, truth and kindness.

The Poni way (and yes, there is a reason I wrote it like that) is my way as well.

I'll see you all on the flip side.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
You see, instead of disappearing, they hid in professions nobody would realize were anything but ordinary... but sometimes one manifests a truth that could only have been heard by the soul. This person has to have heard this song from spirit, because I heard it as well some weeks ago.



Lyrics are shown on-screen, though the interludes are filled with "alien" text. They are reprinted here:

THE CALLING

Read more... )
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
Copied from my tweets on Twitter a few days ago, starting with a warning:

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon 12:01am Feb 13 2016
Next couple of tweets are going to be about spiritual alchemy. Not relevant to most folks. #paganstuff

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
In alchemy for its own sake, the purpose is not to convert everything to gold; the purpose is to solve a problem of energy form conversion.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
Alchemy wasn't supposed to be a material discipline, but people thought it was. So we had chemists trying to make gold from lead.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
Ultimately, the whole work of alchemy is to discover the energies that create wholeness in each person, and how to convert between them.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
It is wholeness which creates that alchemical energy: the "golden" energy of spirit is a whole and perfect soul.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
Because spiritual / alchemical energies have different frequencies and natures, we perceive them as having specific colors and qualities.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
Since each person perceives at least a little differently from other people, there can be disagreement. We each climb a different mountain.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
However, the common agreement on spiritual energy colors is NOT entirely a product of training! Synaesthesia aside, anyway.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
That said, the commonly-read documents are not always accurate. It's okay to disagree, as long as it's consistent for you. #psychicadvice

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
I've noticed the third eye, for example, is usually "solar" when open, not deep blue, but it radiates blue energy.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
And clean heart energy looks turquoise to me. Greenish nature-energy.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
All that said, I don't usually see auras well unless in a trance state. That's been hard to achieve for a while. Personal issues.

Anyüske Arashtnan ‏@strikingdragon Feb 13
Okay, back to your mass retweeting and stuff. Thanks for reading, those of you who cared to read it!
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
Most people who practice spirit ways are not called to the work of the spirit-priest or high medicine-worker, also popularly called shaman. However, a small percentage of all persons who are connected to Spirit, or who have strong potential for spirit-work of some kind, are called to the life of a shaman.

This is different from the practitioner who chose to perform various rituals and ceremonies, or who wields certain spiritual and magical arts. They can let it go. It will easily go from them if they want it to.

The shaman, called, must fight or negotiate, and even then release is unlikely and uncertain.

These are the paths of the shaman, who, once called must answer through these patterns. They may cross over at times, they may interfere with each other, but the shaman will go through at least one of these IN FULLNESS.

They are:

The Death road.
The Madness road.
The Service road.
The Art road.
The Refusal road.
The Destruction road.
The Priestly road.

Herewith find them described:
Read more... )

As to my calling, well...
We'll see. It seems I was in fact called as a shaman, but too many were putting pressure on me so that I could not work through my personal issues in any way. I was being replaced as a person, rather than successfully living my life as I was eventually meant to do (and as I had meant to do all along).

It seems I actually had to destroy my teachers in order to advance. What a terrible thing to do. :/
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
I have forty-one years.

Transformation was promised to me, BEFORE that time is over. Physical transformation. Without surgery.

We will see. I'm already forty years old. My entire life is a series of lies confounded with truths. I would like some promises to be true.

What I would most like to see, however, lies outside the power of my physical self at this time.

So I continue to rebuild who I am, so that I can do the work I have promised to do, regardless of the work that was promised of me.
zeeth_kyrah: A glowing white and blue anthropomorphic horse stands before a pink and blue sky. (Default)
There was a time when unicorns did not exist, before the days of Mankind. In that time were four gods, two of whom were male and one of whom was female. The fourth was without gender.

The non-gendered god said, "I will make of my spirit a place where all are welcome."

The male god who was of forests said, "I approve, and will join my realm to this one."

The male god who was of places unwild said, "Let that place be there; for the ordered lands are mine, and I cannot abide those who do not follow my law."

The woman nodded, and said, "I will be in all these places, and give them life."

So the realm of Faery was formed... )

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